In the fashion of Shamus Young's DM of the Ring and David Morgan-Mar (et al)'s Darths and Droids, I bring you The Bloody Nipple Saga.

We find our gamers starting a new adventure with no story, no planning, and a scant understanding of the rules. Just like most people do.

I've been a big fan of the film Conan the Barbarian going on 20 years now. I've also been looking for an excuse to do a film-to-RPG parody for a while. I finally concluded that I could put to good use those wasted hours of watching the same film.

For those who know the film, you'll notice that I didn't start with Conan's back story. Not to worry; it won't be left out.

Comments? Throw your words at the forum thread and see if it sticks.

Transcript:

Scene: Conan sitting outside
Conan:That should do it for equipment. How does it look?
DM:You spent everything on cheap jewelry?
Conan:And furry boots.
DM:You rolled a fighter, and double-specialized in bastard sword. Don't you want to get, you know, a sword? Or armor?
Conan:I rolled 50 gold. I'm not going to waste that when I can punch through monsters with my 18/82 strength.
DM:Okay. Fine. I can look up unarmed combat.
Conan:Where do I start?
Scene: Conan and gladiator facing each other.
DM:Let's try this. You're in a gladiator ring, facing off to a masked warrior, who gazes at you with an animal-like instinct for blood. In the code of the gladiators, he enters the ring equipped like you.
DM:He relishes the crowd's cheers, bearing his sharpened teeth.
Conan:Can I buy a bastard sword now?
DM:Roll for initiative.

Last updated: Sat, 02 Feb 2008 04:00:00 CST

Copyright 2008 matt@groboclown.net

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