Of Arms and Men I Sing - The Bloody Nipple Saga

Why doesn't the DM just let Conan retro-vert the proficiency to axe? Now that would be telling.

The title comes from the first line of Virgil's Aeneid: Arma virumque cano.

This was another complicated scene to assemble. Probably one of the most wordy chapters, too. The watchful eye will notice that the "bardiche" was taken from the end battle scene. Even though it looks like a giant axe, I've been calling it a bardiche for 18 years now.

And, for those who don't know, I was referring to the Marvel comic book hero Wolverine. Yes, I even have the What If comic where Wolverine meets Conan. No, Conan doesn't get Wolverine's claws, but Wolverine does end up wandering for adventure with Red Sonja. If it's the Red Sonja from the film, then that's torment enough for anyone.

Transcript:

Scene: Conan looking over different kinds of weapons

Conan:Two-sided bladed sai!

DM:That's not in the book.

Conan:Bladed gauntlets!

DM:Nope.

Conan:Punching daggers like Wolverine's claws!

DM:That's just silly.

Conan:Bardiche!

DM:A what?

Conan:It's a kind of pole arm.

DM:Look, why not just go for...

Conan:I'll just use a boring axe. They have axes, right?

DM:You spent three proficiency slots on bastard sword!

Conan:You told me to do that. Besides, you just made that weapon up, just so you can make bad jokes.

DM:No I didn't! It can also be called a hand-and-a-half sword.

Conan:What? While you're at it, why don't you get me a three handed sword?

Scene: Conan holding an axe above a victim

DM:Fine. You grab an axe for the next fight.