Crystal Clear - The Bloody Nipple Saga

Yes, this joke is a variation on a common theme (a good example is in Shamus Young's DM of the Rings). Sandra at least attempts to put some reasoning behind this common plot hole. The problem with a GM creating large, grandiose plot is that it's one (usually smart) person against a roomful of other (usually smart) people, all of whom are almost begging to rip apart her story, if they manage to pay attention.

I was intending to expand out Osric's contractual agreement further, but that would mean putting it on a legal document, and that doesn't show very well. I think I still got the point across for how these kinds of negotiations can go. This was originally a stand-alone joke, but then I realized that it didn't have any legs.

Transcript:

Scene: Valeria, Conan, and Subotai stand before King Osric, surrounded by guards.

King Osric (DM):Upon the return of my daughter, by You, the signee, wherein she is no more harmed than the state you find her, with her dignity intact, and without being followed by more than 20 medium level troops, to the current location regardless of The King's current location, then I or my Aid will grant you a 20 hectare land with serfs, which will entitle you to 1,000 gold per game month, and a title of Barron or Baroness.

Subotai:Why doesn't the old man just do it himself, or send some of his guards?

King Osric (DM):Because the snake cult has too much power, and would assassinate me if I moved in the open like that.

Valeria:That doesn't make sense. As soon as your daughter is returned, wouldn't it be obvious that you did move against them? Even if we don't make it back with her, the mere observation that there was a rescue attempt for her would be enough to have you killed.

King Osric (DM):Look, either you take this stupid quest or you run the game.

Valeria, Conan, and Subotai:We take the quest.