So Close Yet So Far - The Bloody Nipple Saga

The Life of Brian for the punchline.

I have wondered a bit just what kind of adventure Subotai went on to retrieve the body of Conan. From what we gather from the film, Valeria and he would have had to first try to follow where Conan went. That shouldn't have been too hard, since he knew Conan would have tried to go to the Mountain of Power. But then they would have had to discover what happened to Conan. We can assume that his capture during Doom's speech would have been the talk of the community. The biggest question is how did they find out where Doom's people took Conan? Even still, it must have been hard to wander through a desert, following sparse directions, to find him. Not just that, but they must have met the wizard at some point. It seems like a huge adventure in and of itself, filled with mystery and intrigue. Why ruin a good movie with that?

Transcript:

Scene: Conan hanging from the Tree of Woe.

Conan:I think we should find a town to restock our supplies before we leave.

DM:You're stuck on a tree. Subotai and Valeria are the ones adventuring to find you.

Conan:Oh, right. { Long pause. } Do you mind if I go grab a snack?

DM:Be my guest. Just leave the tuna casserole alone. Woah! a natural double aught! Nice roll, Michael.

Conan:{ Long pause. } What's going on now?

DM:They're getting a lot of trouble from a giant scorpion.

Conan:Really? I draw my sword!

DM:...

Conan:Oh, right. { Even longer pause. } Always look on the bri-ii-ight side of life!

DM:Do you mind? We're trying to play a game here.