Battle of the Bulge - The Bloody Nipple Saga

A long while back, oh, it was years ago, I played a fighter in a friend's campaign. This fighter was rolled up naturally, and looked (on paper) like a perfect mince meat guy. On the first adventure, I discovered he was cross-eyed; I couldn't roll above a 10 on the d20 for the life of me. After that, the DM cursed the character with what we eventually dubbed "The Kurgan Die" (yes, he was named after that character). It finally escalated to a big battle of two warriors, both using the Kurgan Die. The amazing part was that all the other players sat mesmerized for about 15 minutes, as the DM and I kept rolling horrific numbers. It must have been like watching a traffic accident taking place. This comic is dedicated to that die and the "epic" battles it created.

Now, I know that some of you can't stand suspense. So I'll go ahead and aleviate your stress by telling you that only one character will die.

For those who don't recall, Superman: The Movie had the scene of the crook hitting Superman with a crowbar.

And, yes, I know, I know. I said I would get it out of my system, but this one was just begging me. It's also important to the plot in the next comic. I'll leave figuring out the real tropes used here as an excercise left for the reader.

Transcript:

Scene: Conan faces off against Thorgrum and Rexor inside Thulsa Doom's Mountain of Power.

Conan:Let's get this party started!

Rexor (as DM):{ Conan and Rexor struggle. } Miss!

Conan:Miss!

Rexor (as DM):Miss!

Conan:Miss!

Thorgrum (as DM):{ Thorgrum enters the battle. } This is how it's done.

DM:Huh. Thorgrum hits the pillar instead of your head.

Conan:Does he do a Superman "bad vibrations"?

DM:No, but a large piece of the pillar breaks off, hitting Rexor in the face.

Conan:I'm going to run on my next turn.

Valeria:Is it a load-bearing pillar?

DM:Oh, yeah. The pillar falls, and the ceiling comes down soon after.

Valeria:Rocks fall. Everyone dies.